You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
it was like eating out sand paper
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
