the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
