Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
