Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
