Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
