I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
