Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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