i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
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