i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
