I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
