Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
