K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
