I can't watch pbs sober anymore
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Is it penis luge time yet?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
