bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
