It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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