you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
