Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Randomize
