guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
