I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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