I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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