happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
