I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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