You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
