Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Randomize
