I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
