too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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