okay pat passed out under dana's car
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
