Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
