New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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