she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
