Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Randomize
