Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
