Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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