Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
