A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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