im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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