Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
We have so much sex to catch up on
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
