Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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