By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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