Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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