Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
