you would pick up someone in the library
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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