So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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