you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Quick, to the slutcave!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
