My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
