i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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