How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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