Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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