New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
