Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
