so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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